Recently, due to a sister’s gross misinterpretations of the intentions of my heart towards her, she refuses to speak to me and blocked me on a social media account.
Long story short, she posted a quote by someone else, then commented what seemed to be her confusion about it. And me, wanting to be helpful, decided to message her with what I thought would be helpful, relevant information, and would protect her from pain and seeing God in a wrong light about something.
Sadly, she interpreted it as a criticism of her directly and not simply commentary and the help I thought she needed about the quote she posted about, and the more I tried to make it better, thinking I was still being helpful – ugh – the worst I made it. She was very upset and hurt even though, heart before God, it was only my intentions to help.
She said I should have asked her (as in) if she needed help. I told her she was right.
If you’re a helpful person like me and someone seems like they are reaching out for help, re-ask if he/she is truly asking or needs help to give them a chance to say yes or no. It could save a lot of trouble.
I should have prayed for wisdom and discernment before answering her initial reply where she misinterpreted me criticizing her, but I felt so bad about unintentionally doing so that I replied immediately.
Wrong move. Sorry Jesus. In all my ways acknowledge Him. So I failed on that.
Things seemed clarified and resolved until I received several more very upset replies from her later falsely accusing me and reading negative things that weren’t there into my words and then once again saying I was criticizing her, and then she added, “coming at her,” and of me having fury.
I still tried to fix it, explain, and thinking I was being helpful but continued to make it worse.
Once again, if I had paused and prayed, I would have been able to see the enemy, author of confusion, at work in all this, and then answered the next day after I’d spent time praying about it, for her, and myself. And I would have been able to discern and have eyes to see that she’d already “felt” attacked (false imaginations) from the get-go and nothing I said or did could fix it.
His Mercies are New Every Morning
I, of course, was hurt and upset, and brought it before the Lord, because, even though I unintentionally hurt her feelings, she also falsely accused me as above and more. But I had clarity and peace about it all the next day because truly my heart was right in the matter before her and the Lord.
When I Prayed, the Lord Showed Me
That even though my friend is going through a time of pain and grief, that it’s no excuse to falsely accuse people and that she should have put into practice what she was so adamant about preaching to me. That just as I should have asked her if she needed help and clarification before I assumed she did, that she should have also asked me if I was criticizing her, if I was coming at her, and if I was filled with fury towards her before she assumed I was. That her pain and grief blinded her to only be able to see her own feelings without regard to mine.
I couldn’t see any of these things before I prayed because I was just hurt, shocked, and confused. Of course, I already apologized multiple times during the conversations (before she cut me off) and forgave her before the Lord.
God Also Gave Me Eyes to See
In light of our two years of a very good friendship filled with love, support, and kindness, she so easily and readily forgot my true character and harshly assumed the worst about me. The Lord knows that people who automatically assume the worst about me is one thing I cannot abide in relationships as this behavior and mindset is too similar to my earthly father’s who passed away a few years ago.
My father was so self-destructive, he drove the people closest to him away because he carried a terrible spirit of offense. No one could say anything to him, have a different opinion than him, tell him that his actions were hurting us without him feeling offended and then attacking us for things which there was no reason. He was blind to everyone else’s feelings in situations but his own. An “always walking on eggshells” relationship, and horribly, at times, that led him to threaten to harm us, raise his hand to hit us, and had hit my other a few times, etc.
Again, I couldn’t see any of this until I went to the Lord with it.
A Sign and Blessing in Disguise
After she blocked me, after all the crazy and confusion, within a few minutes, I saw a post on Facebook that read, “Not everyone that leaves our life was meant to stay. We can’t know how each person who walks into our life-what part they may play in it. It may be a moment, forever, a season, etc. but each one has a purpose. We will understand in Heaven.”
So, it’s a blessing in disguise that she cut me off because I cannot handle any relationships that even come close to how I had to approach my father, in fear, always worrying I’d offend him, make him angry, about all his false imaginations, and him most often assuming the worst about me instead of the best, etc. then getting blasted with false accusations based on those false imaginations.
Let Them Go & Bless Them
Since God allowed me to see that “sign” above within a few minutes about “not everyone that leaves our life was meant to stay,” I truly believe in this case that I may not hear from her for awhile, and if I do will have minimal contact, nothing above courtesies unless the Lord gives me peace for more because I’ve spent too many years of my past in dysfunctional relationships that God delivered me from to purposely allow it back.
So, Lord, I bless this sister of mine and wish her well, and I pray for her emotional healing and well being and for the root causes of her perceptual dysfunctions to also be healed. I messed up badly in not seeking You first before I responded to my sister, and I pray You bring this to my remembrance as often as needed, so I don’t repeat a mistake like this. And I break the spirit of offense off her and tell it to go now in Jesus’ name, amen.
P.S. No she doesn’t follow my blog. I mention it to friends to follow just once, they usually forget, and I never mention it again.